World Cup Out of Context, Part III: Separated by a Common Language...

“They may not be speaking the same language, but they understood each other.” JP Dellacamera

Which is more then I can say for us sometimes…

We don’t just call this game by different names, Soccer vs. Football, we also call the game different ways. American commentators seem to need to fill every moment with talk. If the action is slow, they’ll talk about the player’s lives off the field, or even what they had for breakfast. The English commentators take a more laid back approach, often simply stating the name of the player with the ball then stating the name of the next player with the ball: Donovan… to Dempsey… to Altidore… back to Dempsey. They let you enjoy the run of play, and fill in the details as necessary. The English also have a more colorful palette of idiom from which to choose, some of which has left me scratching my head and trying to figure out what it was he just said. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe we share a common language….

“He’s kept a clean sheet”

“James responds with a nice slide rule ball…”

“That would really put the cat amongst the pigeons…” Ross Dyer

“He put a bulge in the old onion bag!!!” Tommy Smyth

“They’re signing from different hymn sheets…”

“Their passes are bright as a button…”

“The ball was perfectly measured…” Ian Darke

“He has some more cantering, perhaps galloping, left to do…” Derek Rae

“Goals are no longer on ration.” Ian Darke

“Paraguay is very much bossing the show” Adrian Healy

“These players are going to go absolutely potty if this score holds” Adrian Healy

“No one wants to take the game by the scruff of the neck and go forward…” Steve McManaman

“[The Dutch] are capable of beautifully embroidered football” Derek Rae

"It's a Swiss defense that is tighter than a taxman's wallet." Martin Tyler

“It's getting a bit spikey out there.” Adrian Healy

“He's away like an express train.” Adrian Healy

“They are on the Boil!” Martin Tyler

“Mexico has been at 6’s and 7’s for some time.” Ian Darke

“A cracking day of action.” Ian Darke

“Slaps it into the top of the old onion bag.” Tommy Smyth

“He’s got the pedigree to stride on and give it a crack.”

“Spain has passed them to death” Tommy Smyth

“They’re signing from different hymn sheets…”

“[Spain] are giving Portugal a torrid time here” Tommy Smyth

World Cup: Out of Context

“All we’re seeing are preliminary skirmishes in a very long battle… “ So begins the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

We are very much enjoying watching the World Cup this summer. For the first two weeks it was like being on vacation. Nothing gets done around the house, we don’t listen to the news and we ignore the phone (OK, maybe not that last thing, except when there is actually a game on.) Since we no longer have Cable TV, we’ve been watching the games on the Spanish Channels, Univision and Telefutura. For a while we had ESPN3.com providing English commentary in the back ground, until they remembered they were supposed to be restricting the feed and shut it down. Now it’s ESPN Radio, when the local station deigns to put it on instead of their bass fishing special…

Watching the World Cup is almost as much fun for the commentary as the game itself. This Cup, ESPN has recruited a large and varied contingent of English soccer commentators to help fill in for a US sports corps distinctly lacking in soccer expertise. Although why J.P Dellacamera, arguably ESPN’s best and most knowledgeable soccer play-by-play man, was relegated to the ESPN Radio is still baffling. The English commentators have brought with them their own special terminology for the game. Be they snarky remarks, things that, even though we share a common language, make your brain hurt trying to figure out what they just said, or things that, taken out of context are just way too funny..…

As JP Dellacamera said, “Our seatbelts are securely fastened.” Sit back and enjoy the ride…


"Those who aren't interested in football are, of course, welcome to keep working," Stephan Schwarz, head of GRG Services. (Germany)

"It was a masterpiece, if you like fake Rembrandts." Jurgen Klinsmann of Luis Fabiano’s two-handed goal against Ivory Coast.

“I apparently understand the rules of football so well that I know when two Slovenians mug an American, the American gets called for a foul.” Andy Roddick, U.S. Tennis

Dempsey’s playing Greco Roman style…

“A threesome is hard to come by.” Martin Tyler     Isn’t that the story of everybody’s life.

“You just feel like death, you don’t actually die… we get these letters, you see…” Ian Darke explaining the meaning of “Group of Death”

“That’s the only way to slow them down, to stop them by kicking them.” John Harkes

"I shouldn't laugh... there's another bash in the face in case he was needing one." Ally McCoist

“Three points aren’t going to do [the Ivory Coast] any good on the field, they need another touchdown.” JP Dellacamera

"It's a Swiss defense that is tighter than a taxman's wallet." Martin Tyler

“We just wonder if this coffee growing country can give the world a shot of espresso.” Martin Tyler at the start of the Ivory Coast’s last game.

“I think some one slipped an Ambien into his Gatorade at half time.” Glenn Davis

"You begin to understand the game when the legs go. It's a cruelty of life."

"I still prefer women. I am dating Veronica, who is blonde and 31 years old." Diego Maradona after he hugged all of his player before the start of the first game.

"Their skin-tight shirts, replete with nipple-enhancing technology, will be clinging to beer bellies from Glasgow to the Isle of Skye." Roger Bennett (ESPN blog)

“He’s a Mexican Payton Manning…” “A Mexican Who?” The Mexican goalie, Memo Ochoa, who was featured in ads for Powerade, Allstate and several other corporations… but didn’t play in any games….

“I’m looking forward to the injection on Friday.” Tim Howard after suffering a severe rib bruise in the U.S.’s First game.

“Stay out of the net Donovan, put the ball in instead…” Tommy Smyth He did, Tommy, he did.

“It’s Day 9 of the Vuvuzela hangover we all have…” Mike Tirico

The Danish “Van”-guard: van der Wiel, Van Brommel, Van Brockhorst, Van Persie and van der Vaart

“He’s got a left foot you can open a can of soup with…” Derek Rea

“There could be a few drunk Vikings tonight” Efan Ekoku

“Beating England [in 1950] is not winning the World Cup.”

“We just wonder if this coffee growing country can give the world a shot of espresso.” Martin Tyler

Once again, we wonder who's writing coach Bob Bradley's halftime speeches -- Mel Gibson in "Braveheart"? Gene Hackman in "Hoosiers"? John Belushi in "Animal House"? David Hirshey

And last but not least...

"We don't want our people to be preoccupied with seminude, crazy men jumping up and down who are chasing an inflated object," said Sheik Mohamed Osman Arus, head of operations for the Hizbul Islam insurgent group. (Somalia)

DragonCon: Out of Context...

"If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college..." Lewis Black

On of my favorite Lewis Black routines describes over hearing a conversation at his local health club, The International House of Pancakes. He describes hearing a part of a conversation that, because it was so far out of context that it seemed farcical, but was also great fodder for a comedy routine. He must have spent 15 minutes debating the meaning of that simple partial sentence... Very funny...

Last year at DragonCon, I caught a number of partial conversations, which when taken out of context, were not only strange, but very amusing. Now, I know you shouldn't listen in on other peoples conversations, but some times people just make it so darn hard not to overhear what their saying... So in honor of a tradition inspired by Lewis Black, I bring you this year's "DragonCon: Out of Context"

"This is my nightmare, this is my nightmare, this is my nightmare..." 8 year old boy writhing on the floor of the Sears store in St Pete while waiting for his mother in the checkout line (we were buying jeans to take with us to Atlanta.)

"Maybe the nipple clamps wouldn't come off." A fellow DCon'er recalling a loud event outside their door at last year's DCon.

"I love jumping out of airplanes, but I hate flying..." - a paratrooper on the plane on the way to Atlanta...

"Religion is the reason we have short, fat people today... and civilization."

"PeachTree Center. It's like the Mall between the convention centers."

"Boobs or Booze?"

"Could you look in my desk drawer, find my checkbook... and pay my rent? Don't worry about the signature, they don't check it... unless I contest it. So how was work?" - Um... the Con started on Sept 4th, how could you forget to pay your rent on the 1st?

"OK, seriously, if last night keeps happening, I'm going to have to buy a second kilt." - Twitterer @ DCon

"Everything's better with Pandas."

"There are Jello Dynamics moving down there..." Watching the crowd in the Marriott Atrium from the 4th floor.

"Spikes? I got Spikes. Move or get Perforated. I love herding people."

"The product costs money. The abuse is free."

"My backpack is heavier then I am."

"Four words: Naked Pregnant Space Kitty." - same Twitterer

"What I really want is teleportation. I don't want to have to walk" (DCon is spread across 4 hotels covering 6 city blocks end to end...)

"Female Peacock..."

"Unfortunately, the genre of cyberpunk, paranormal, romance is almost dead." It was ever alive?!?

"He's a 6th level lawyer with a +1 in technology" - about the GA lawyer in the digital forensics panel.

"My car breaks down... I blame Vista..."

"If you want to take him to the bathroom where you can barely stand, you can change him."

"I think he slept in that mask"

"I don't know... my coffee stopped working." - in the Chili's in the Atlanta airport.


For those of you I quoted... thank you... I promise to keep you anonymous...