"I can not English today."Even the best of us stumble every once and a while. This quote was from a linguist giving a talk on how to develop your own language when writing a novel or screenplay. He was having trouble with his native language... He explained the principles behind the International Phonetic Alphabet, a universal phonetic spelling symbology seen commonly in Wikipedia these days. He showed how using those simple (?) rules, you can learn to pronounce anything in any language, whether it was Japanese, Elvish, Korean, Na'vi, Tanzanian, Klingon... or English. It was a fascinating talk about how languages are constructed, starting from the basic building blocks of a language, the sounds and how they are made with your mouth, to putting those sounds together to make words, phrases and grammar. He used real world examples as well as fictional examples from our favorite movies and novels. A "conlang", or constructed language, also has to have a context, a logical reason for existing, that will make your language, and your story, come alive. With out that context, you'll simply have a bunch of nonsensical sounds and phrases that will make it difficult for anyone to learn your language.
That said, some of us still have trouble. Perhaps more of the convention attendees should have sat in on that talk...
"I can't wait to take off these f*in shoes and put on my combat boots."
"Ooo... I have ice boobies..."
"When he's in his Manties, he's unreliable."
"Midgets are my worst enemy. I trip over those things."
"Brown people should not go window shopping at gun shops in Tennessee, no matter how road weary."
"She was acting like a prepubescent 48-year-old."
"Did you see her in that muffin-top corset?"
"Important safety tip: Don't ride-share in the car carrying the magic brownies."
"The monsters in my sketches always come out preciously horrible. They make you want to give them tea and cookies."
"With a skirt that short, yeah, all they are looking at is your hair."
"If you don't know how something is going to work, call it nano-material"
"How do you disperse a crowd? Naked fat guys."
"When you clone a whole army from one guy, you should at least pick one that can hit the target."
"Smart bullets. The problem is eventually they start arguing with you."
"That's the biggest damned yoda I've ever seen. MegaYoda."
"He's like an SUV waiting for a rollover."
"It was an MC Escher, Chthulhu-style dungeon."
"Hello, Master. I have something I need to tell you." (at the very pregnant, I Dream of Jeannie).
"Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?" "I get that a LOT." (at the very cute, female stormtrooper with her helmet off).
"If I were a Tylenol or an Advil in this hotel, where would I be?"
"What's the difference between science and science fiction? Timing." - Lamar Anderson
Timing is everything......
